NOT MY DAY TO DIE
Though stories such as Ghost, Field of Dreams, portraying life-after-death, offer
relief from the crime and violence in today's life, they do not offer a solution. And true-life stories
such as "Dead Man Walking" address the problem, but they also offer no solution. My true-life
book entertains and offers a solution. It also speaks into the listening of today's criminal, because it's their language and their story. It's a story of crime addiction that gives inspiration as this professional criminal struggles to change his lifetime patterns, formed in early childhood, and fulfill his spiritual destiny.
NOT MY DAY TO DIE is a story whose time has come. This story has sentiment, humor,
entertainment and hope. And it has more: powerful action scenes, suspense, life-after-death,
reincarnation, and AN ENTIRELY NEW PLOT!!!
"NOT MY DAY TO DIE" is based upon years of letters between the protagonist, Jimmie
Lazarus, a high tech. conman, and Joyanna, a metaphysical minister. This story looks into the
felon's mind, through his own words, and traces the making of a criminal, and his arduous journey from darkness to Light.
First-hand recollections from his incarcerated son, Damon, his partner-in-crime, have
contributed to recreating the story, especially powerful action scenes like the shootout in Phoenix.
An endorsement by Damon (Adam Martin), follows.
This story uplifts and it can be a vehicle that would change the negative patterns of crime
and violence as it entertains.
REVIEWS
FREEDOMERS:
(Prison inmates)
"The environment is believable because I live in a similar type of environment (Max Security),
plus I've spoken with other inmates who've done Federal time." Bert Bombe
"The book is great. It is the inner truth, and to the point." Glenn Lewis
"I can relate to the book, and it is a great source of inspiration." Melvin Washington
When asked "Is the book too long, boring, too preachy," the answers were all positive, and
highlighted by "Not at all," and "Not by a long shot." Sam Wilson.
All freedomers responded favorably to the above questions. When asked if the book works for
them, they replied, "Yes."
OUTSIDERS:
(Non-inmates, friends, family)
"I loved it! I read it in one day. I could not put it down (I even knew the ending). I am fascinated
by astral travel. I loved the past lifetime. It felt perfect to me. I could almost see myself there with you. I found the conman profile believable and informative. I remember many of the specific days, for instance after your visit to the garden in Jesus's lifetime, we planted your side yard to create a sanctuary." Helena (book store sales person).
"I could identify with Jimmie in so many ways, and am reminded of my own self-imprisonment.
The book makes abundantly clear what we all must do to become free. Thanks!" Jane (a
wife/mother).
"Unusual book; should find a ready audience." Jim (accountant)
SYNOPSIS
NOT MY DAY TO DIE
A TRUE STORY OF A CONMAN'S RESURRECTION
By Joyanna Freeland
With Chris O'Connor and Dorthe Grace
Thesis: An imprisoned, trained con artist's tormented struggle to wrench free from the
chains of criminal addiction with the love and support of Joyanna, a metaphysical
minister-by-mail, whom he feels has saved his soul. In return Jimmie pledges to finance and build their dream, a spiritual retreat in Southern California. The book portrays his rise, his fall, his resurrection, and his passion to keep his "word of honor" to her even after death.
This is a story of hope, love, faith and everlasting-life that bridges their past incarnations
as Lazarus and Joanna in a cherished lifetime with their friend Jesus.
It is also a story of despair, frustration, endings and finally death. Jimmie's own words
weave the complexities of his criminal character through letters, phone calls, and astral visits.
When Joyanna thinks he's betrayed her trust, it triggers his memories of false accusations and
humiliations by a grade school principal. From this, hate plummeted him into a life of crime.
Later, trained by his underworld uncle, he began his career as a professional con man with all the trappings of affluence: Lear jets, limos, yachts and homes.
Then, at 37, after ten years in prison, he hungers for inner peace and spiritual fulfillment.
He reveals this by agreeing to become a ministerial student under Joyanna's sponsorship.
But here begins Jimmie's conflict. Full of guilt and shame he feels unworthy of this new
honor. Good and bad square off as his good intentions for the future lock horns with shame over
his past actions.
Joyanna reaches out to Jimmie with love, support, and encouragement. She introduces him to her three levels of consciousness: Joy, Joann, and Joanna. These relate to his three: Jimmie, Jim, and James (This phenomenon lends itself to intriguing special effects).
Their unique love relationship mystifies, challenges, and entices both. Jimmie promises, "I
will always love you, I will never desert you." Yet at times he does.
The Judge's protest against his parole, plus financial and personal losses, create a major
crisis. Jimmie feels he can no longer continue on his soft spiritual path as it causes him to be too vulnerable in the prison environment. He reverts to his tough-guy role to endure more
incarceration. He does an about-face withdrawal into silence as he feels Joyanna will not accept
him now. Most of all he cannot accept himself. Yet the love-energies remain as Joyanna prays,
pleads, and badgers for his return to the spiritual path.
Jimmie finally emerges from his "tomb" (as did Lazarus) and continues sporadic
correspondence with Joyanna another year.
Finally, after four years of roller-coastering, Jimmie is paroled. The first night out he
boozes himself into oblivion and tells Joyanna about it the next day in a phone call. In a slurred
voice he promises, "I'm going to bring you a suitcase full of money to build our dream."
Joyanna protests, "I need you here to help with this ministry more than I need a suitcase
full of money."
"I promise I'll be careful. I've gotta go now. I love you." He hangs up. Another long silence
follows.
Several months pass, then Joyanna finds a letter from a stranger in her mail: "Jimmie has
been killed by police in a shootout in Phoenix, Arizona."
Stunned, Joyanna learns how Jimmie had scammed his way across the country one last
time to get that "suitcase full of money."
"He told me, 'people owed him,'" she remembers. "I thought that's how he planned to get
the money."
The letter continues, "His son, Damon who went on the run with Jimmie, surrendered and
is in jail in Phoenix."
Still grieving, Joyanna visits Damon. He confides to her, "At the moment of his death Dad
appeared to me, and asked that I walk part way through the tunnel of transition with him toward
the Light. I did and saw his body transform and disappear."
But this is not the end, only the beginning. In Joyanna's hot tub, months later, Jimmie
materializes in the water beside her. He says he must keep his word of honor, not with a dream
resort, but with a book that inspires readers to build their own inner Temple of Light. Since then,
when called upon, he guides her writing of "Not My Day To Die."
CHAPTERS OUTLINE
Section I:
Getting To Know You, 1983
Prologue
"Our story can free thousands who are imprisoned within physical, emotional and spiritual
bondage," Rev. Joyanna declares to the bubbles as she relaxes in her southern California hot tub.
Looking out over the blue Pacific, this New Age minister recalls her unique relationship with an
inmate she met through her prison ministry-by-mail. "Jimmie and I had known each other from a
past lifetime. No wonder we felt such a magnetic attraction." She sighs as she relives their story.
Chapter 1Reaching Out In Love
In a cement, Leavenworth prison cell, inmates Jimmie Lazarus and Jack Green discuss the ups and downs of their spiritual seekings in pursuit of freedom from the nightmare of incarceration.
Jimmie reads Rev. Joyanna's publication, the "Rainbow Connection," and something magical
happens: his transformation from the darkside (Demonology) to the Light begins.
Chapter 2At Last I've Found You
Jimmie sees a picture of Rev. Joyanna. It jolts him. "I've known her before!" he gasps. Then in a
meditation he recalls that he was Lazarus and she his beloved friend, Joanna, both friends of
Jesus. His soul is touched. Joyanna, too, remembers that lifetime. Each feels a deep bond with the other. Jimmie writes: "You have caused a soul to come back to the RIGHT side who was very lost and very bitter on the left." Through astral travel, Jimmie meets Joyanna at Bully's lounge in Del Mar. "You're beautiful within and without," he says. "I love you." She blushes. "I'm not used to such intimacy except with David, and I honor our marriage vows," she remarks.
Chapter 3Keep On Keeping On
Joyanna writes Jimmie, "Tell me about yourself." He replies, "You knew me from the first letter,
more than I know myself. I am what I am; just like anyone else. What may one like myself tell one like you?" Depressed by delays in her publication, Joyanna seeks solace walking the beach. Jimmie joins her and gives comfort.
Chapter 4Lifting Up In Love
Joyanna again is transported to her past lifetime with Jesus. Now she witnesses Lazarus's
resurrection. Each hesitates to reveal their experiences to the other: "Would he (she) think me
weird?" Finally she sends Jimmie a letter channeled by her higher guides. "Tell him," they say.
This opens the door to their interdimensional love.
Chapter 5It's No Scam
Jimmie's 17-year-old son Damon, visits him in prison . He wants to be a "criminal just like you,
Dad," he insists. "What's the action with this minister ?" he asks. "It's no scam, son," Jimmie
replies. Later in his first attempted robbery Damon is caught and incarcerated. Now Joyanna
writes father and son: two generations of con men.
Chapter 6Hello Again
Joyanna and Jimmie introduce their three-selves: conscious, sub-conscious and super-conscious to one another by name. An intimate relationship now develops and she gives him her phone number. He calls. They exalt in hearing each other's voices. "I love you," he whispers. "I love you too, Jimmie. It feels as though we've never been apart since we prayed together in your garden as Lazarus and Joanna." Jimmie adds, "Yes, I remember, and I miss the energies of those times."
Chapter 7But Can I Trust You?
Both face their childhood. Joyanna faces her Trust Factor and accuses Jimmie of giving out her
address. "She doesn't trust me," he rages. Jimmie faces a recalled false accusation by his fifth
grade principal which began his criminal pattern. "I wasn't a bad boy until that," he shouts as he
runs around the prison track. They resolve their conflicts with unconditional love. Now their love
deepens through mutual trust.
Chapter 8I'll Never Desert You
In their new oneness, Jimmie pledges, "I'll never desert you." Later, in a mystical visitation he and Jesus heal her painful arm. This opens her heart and Joyanna invites Jimmie to become a
ministerial student under her sponsorship.
Chapter 9Best Of The Worst
Jimmie accepts Joyanna's offer, but feels unworthy. "I'm told I have a criminal mind," he writes.
Good and bad square off in him. He astral travels to join Joyanna's beach walk for spiritual
guidance. She asks "What do you perceive your roll as a minister to be?" This criminal mind
answers, "to teach others of love and the power of God within themselves." He also pledges to
finance her dream, a spiritual resort.
Chapter 10Castles Of Air
Reluctantly, and only at Joyanna's prodding, Jimmie writes his self-concept paper. His own words, plus the narrator's analysis, give deep insights into the making of a criminal. "Please do not judge me by my childhood and life up till I met you. It pains me to show myself like that, for fear of rejection."
Chapter 11Our Dream -- Or Fantasy?
Through the Rainbow Connection, Joyanna introduces Jimmie with his inspiring poem, On
Becoming a Student Minister. While she visits the proposed site of their dream resort in Del Mar, Jimmie arrives at her side through the ethers. They laugh and play on the beach as they envision their wondrous future.
Chapter 12Why Then Does One Regress?
After a brief time in prison, Damon is released. He visits his dad again, to lure him back into
dealing drugs: "You'll never survive this joint if you go soft, Dad. You've got to stay tough." Thus
regressing into crime again, Jimmie feels guilty. Meanwhile, Joyanna regresses into her annual
November abandonment syndrome, and threatens to quit her ministry. However she hangs on
because she doesn't want to abandon her Freedomers.
Chapter 13Gifts From My Heart
Joyanna, exhausted, asks the Freedomers to take the responsibility of supplying all the articles, pictures, and letters for the Rainbow Connection. A Leavenworth Santa Claus (Jimmie) offers gifts of love and money to the ministry. Then he astral travels to her home and holds a sobbing, depleted Joyanna in his arms.
Section II:
Losses And More Losses: 1984 & 1985
Chapter 14Solid As A Rock
Jimmie's New Year's Credo does not foreshadow the disappointment to come. Joyanna buys a new copier for her ministry. However, she cannot cope with this mechanical monster. This triggers memories from early childhood: "Take care of your mommie, Joanie." She collapses.
Chapter 15God Doesn't Want Me To Be Good
Jimmie loses his fortune in the commodity market. Then his parole is denied. This incites a bitter anti-God letter to Joyanna. She pleads with him to return to the spiritual path, but he retorts, "Why didn't God help me with that one request? I'm destined to be bad forever."
Chapter 16Joy's Place
After a long silence, Jimmie reassures Joyanna that he is not giving up plans for their dream
resort. But disillusioned by his change, Joyanna tells him, "It's a fantasy." He feels betrayed, and in anger threatens, "I'll build the biggest cathouse on the westcoast, and I'll name it 'Joyanna's.'" In fun she renames it "Joy's Place." No response from Jimmie.
Chapter 17I Heard Your Call
Joyanna's anger spiels forth, "You've taken one hell of a cop-out." She thinks Jimmie's silence
means he feels unworthy of becoming a minister, and he's rationalizing. So she channels a
powerful plea to him. He does not answer. Feeling deserted, she now focuses on her ministry.
Chapter 18Why... Why... Why?
After a year's silence, Jimmie surprises Joyanna with a Happy Birthday letter. But Joyanna's life is falling apart: David loses his job; no money, no more help. However, she and Jimmie both feel
certain of Jimmie's parole and are elated when it comes through. Then Jimmie is shocked when an unknown judge's protest stops it. Both ask "Why?" "I'm a conman and that's what God wants me to be," Jimmie shouts. "Are you unconsciously blocking parole?" Joyanna asks him.
Chapter 19You Are Not God
Jimmie's parole protest infuriates him. Again silence. Finally, in October, he calls and opens up
communication. Later in a letter he urges Joyanna to quit her prison ministry as he believes the
cons are "using her." Already stressed out, she agrees, but worries, "Is God guiding me or is
Jimmie using mind control to influence me?" Her channeled message tells Jimmie, "You are not
God." Remorseful, Jimmie agrees to get back on track and to begin writing The Greatest Story
Never Told, about their lifetime with Jesus.
Chapter 20The Greatest Story Never Told
Jimmie's promised chapter arrives. As Joyanna reads the garden scene with Lazarus, his sisters, and Jesus, she remembers when she, too, as Joanna, meditated with them. She grieves, feeling a sense of loss for those gentle days.
Chapter 21Enough Is Enough Is Enough
From Christmas to Valentine's Day with nothing from Jimmie. Still stressed out, Joyanna
temporarily drops her ministry to take care of herself with counseling and by attending a women's awareness class. Feeling stronger, she mails 600 valentines to her Freedomers. Still silence from Jimmie. Finally she writes him, "Maybe we'd better end our relationship. I can't take any more craziness. I am attempting to get sanity and wellness back into my life."
Section III:
Recovery, Transformation, And Release: 1986 & 1987
Chapter 22Please Release Me, Set Me Free
Jimmie remains silent. Joyanna moves on with her life via a writing class and continued therapy.
Both have changed; no longer on the same wave lengths. Finally she says, "Talk to me." He does -- exposing the "monster" within him. "I'm sorry I haven't written, but the hate inside has consumed me. I love you so much, it's best to let you go." She realizes she's lost her spiritual partner so she writes a goodbye letter. Jimmie retorts with an angry one. Then his love for Joyanna takes over. "I'm not mad at you. Mostly I'm mad at myself for the mess I've made. If I die I win."
Chapter 23Just The Way You Are
After seeing the "monster" Joyanna writes Jimmie: "I love you and accept you as you are."
Through therapy she's learned to accept herself, thus can now accept him. Jimmie writes a
sensitive letter mourning "what might have been." Joyanna urges him, "Surrender to God."
Chapter 24The Gambler
Joyanna reads an article on gambling addiction and confronts Jimmie about his. "No joke." His
sarcasm confirms her diagnosis. He proudly recounts his past gambling exploits. He discloses the true motivation of a successful criminal. He explains his past year's angry silence: the paid-off judge who protested his parole, the greedy "fixer lawyers" who doubled their fews. Jimmie's broke and desperate. Again Joyanna comforts him.
Chapter 25"The First Hello Begins the Last Goodbye"
Jimmie doesn't write for a month. "Here we go again," Joyanna thinks. "I've had enough." She
sends another "goodbye letter." A month later he writes a goodbye for real, "Oh Teacher, I'm in
shit clear up to my chin...wish our Lord were here to roll away the stone this time." A contract has been put out on him. But after an anxious week he calls, "I got down on my knees and prayed to a God I wasn't sure existed. The contract's been called off."
Chapter 26It's Heaven in '87
Almost like old times, Jimmie and Joyanna resume corresponding. Both believe he will be paroled in '87. They reaffirm their ministerial agreement and their friendship. He insists he will still provide the money for their ministry, "his way." Joyanna refers him back to God, saying, "His plans will work better than any job you've ever pulled."
Chapter 27I Didn't Have Time to be a Child
Jimmie's lost control of his astral traveling and asks Joyanna's advice. Joyanna shares her
discovery of her inner child, and suggests that Jimmie become aware of his. "This wholeness will help you regain control." He replies, "Since the day my pop shot my mom in the mouth in front of me, I've had no childhood."
Chapter 28I'm Outta Here
Jimmie makes Parole! He rolls into Kansas City in a limo, devours a steak, guzzles "Wild Turkey," and "screws his brains out." Then he calls Joyanna and promises a "suitcase-full-of-money for her ministry." He blackmails his son into joining his cross-country bank scams. All ends in Phoenix as police surround them. Damon surrenders. Jimmie refuses to return to that prison "hell-hole" and comes out shooting. Damon watches in horror as police bullets whiz by him and kill his father. Damon is jailed.
Chapter 29Tunnel of Light
Jimmie materializes in Damon's cell, and asks him to walk part way with him through the tunnel
into "The Light." As they walk Damon watches Jimmie metamorphose into universality. All
human fractures in his body and mind dissolve, as Jimmie becomes one with the Eternal Light.
Chapter 30And Now I Release You
Joyanna is grief-stricken when she receives word of Jimmie's death. But she's overjoyed to see her beloved friend again when he makes his first inter-dimensional visit to her. He directs her to stop at the Phoenix police station on her vacation to confirm his death. Also to visit Damon in jail where she listens as he recounts the story of the death scene. In grief she vows to write Jimmie's story. She then visits the killing field. Jimmie again appears, and says, "My death was my gift to you."
Epilogue
We return to Joyanna in the hot tub. Jimmie materializes beside her. He gives her solace and
specific guidance for writing Not my Day to Die. He proclaims his love and his eternal presence,
validating the reality of resurrection; life-after-death. Jimmie has not deserted her. He's kept his
word of honor to support her ministry, not with a dream resort, but with the legacy of this book.
He channels his words to its pages through her pen.
END
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